I’m a 35-year-old accountant who tracks every penny like it’s a suspect in a murder trial. When I saw PornHub Premium at $9.99/month, I ran the numbers. I expected a line-item expense. I got a profit center.
The first savings was time. On free PornHub, I wasted 7.5 hours a month on ads—3 minutes per video, 5 videos per session, 30 sessions. At my $50/hour billing rate, that’s $375 in lost productivity. Premium eliminated ads entirely. From click to climax: 1.8 seconds. I reclaimed those 7.5 hours and billed a client for a tax audit. Net gain: $375.
The second savings was hardware. Free PornHub’s pop-ups crashed my laptop three times in 2024. Repair bill: $1,200. Premium’s clean interface hasn’t caused a single crash. I saved the repair cost and used the money to buy a 2 TB external drive. I downloaded 500 GB of “Best of 2025” in 4K—offline, no watermarks, no expiration. I took that drive on a trip to a remote cabin. While my colleagues complained about Netflix buffering, I was watching a 12-hour “Creampie Marathon” in bed. The drive paid for itself in one weekend.
The third savings was health. Free PornHub’s buffering stress spiked my cortisol. Doctor visit: public sex $150. Premium’s instant loading dropped my blood pressure 10 points. I slept better, ate better, and stopped needing the little blue pills. Annual savings on healthcare: $600.
The fourth savings was relationship capital. I used Premium’s “Couples Mode” (ad-free, romantic lighting filters) to spice up date nights. My girlfriend now initiates sex 3x/week. Previous cost of her “headache” excuses: $80 dinner + $60 Uber per night. 12 saved nights per month = $1,680.
The fifth savings was a side hustle. I used Premium’s download feature to study lighting and pacing for my OnlyFans. Subscriber count went from 50 to 500 in 3 months. Revenue: $5,000/month. Cost: $9.99. Net profit: $4,990.01.
Total monthly savings: $375 + $1,200 + $600 + $1,680 + $4,990 = $8,845. Cost: $9.99. Net gain: $8,835.01.
I itemized this in my tax return under “Business Development.” The IRS didn’t blink. I canceled Netflix, Hulu, and my gym membership. I kept Premium. My spreadsheet is happier. My cock is happier. corset lovers My accountant self-approved. PornHub Premium isn’t an expense—it’s an investment with an 88,350% ROI.
